Getting over a worthless, pile of junk, cheating ex-boyfriend.
A bit of information to start. I was in a relationship for 2 years with a guy who I thought loved me. We did lots of things together, went lots of places. We broke up because he just stopped treating me right and I wasn’t happy anymore. Two weeks later I find out he’d been cheating on me pretty much the whole relationship. And I was shook! Now looking back there were a few warning signs: always being on his phone and not letting me touch it. Coming round late at night. But all in all you’d think that could just be normal in a relationship and me being the kind, open person I am, or was, thought best not to push his buttons and wind him up. I didn’t want to be THAT girlfriend. Throughout the relationship I had said to the dickhead to just break up with me if he was going to cheat on me or to let me know if he wasn’t happy in the relationship. Obviously, I just chose a psychopath to waste two years of my life on as he claims the reason he started cheating on me was because he wasn’t happy in our relationship but didn’t know how to break up with me. IMAGINE! So he dragged me along for the ride in his scum-filled, pathetic life for the best part of what I thought was a decent relationship. The fact that he could look me in the eyes every time I saw him and say I love you etc when he was doing exactly the same to some other girl and probably never even meant it is baffling. Like I completely get some people aren’t meant to be together and thank god I wasn’t 100% head over heels for him. He had to force me into a relationship in the first place because I wasn’t sold. Some may say well fool you then for getting into a relationship too soon and don’t worry guys I join them. But I was young. Had only just moved to London to start university. A “nice” guy came along who I thought was truly interested in me. I did fall in love with him. It just took me a little while. I wish I hadn’t bothered obviously as that scumbag had me for the most of my university experience. Thank god I’m not the type of girl who cancels plans with their friends or doesn’t go away because they don’t want to leave their boyfriend because I think I’d be in a much worse state. Actually one time I left him mid-sex to go on a night out with friend’s hahaa. GIRL POWER. No no this arsehole of a human didn’t really change my life in any sense of the word, probably highlighting how insignificant he is. Again, probably one of his many insecurities. It’s just a shame that my once positive relationship I thought I had is now extremely tainted and I feel like I’m mourning the last two years of my life. Like imagine starting a job and working your way up and making lots of friends and having a great income just to find out it was all a lie and actually you just live outside of an office on the street with nothing. That’s how I feel, I feel low. I feel like lots of stuff have been taken away from me. I’m mainly angry that I feel like this and have to go through it and that pathetic lowlife is out there feeling nothing, probably because he’s incapable of feeling emotion, snuggling up to some girl that he now says he’s going to treat right. IMAGINE. There’s no remorse there. He doesn’t feel anything for me after all we’ve been through. He thought my emotions and feelings were a joke. He’s there laughing to his friends about it. I’ve been taken for a complete fool by a guy who isn’t even worth a drop of my time. He had two years of it. And now how does he expect me to trust again? Some poor guy in the future who actually does love me and treats me right is going to have to suffer the consequences of my ice cold heart. I do believe in Karma and I truly hope that pathetic, good for nothing loser gets what he deserves. I am a good person turned bad by the actions of another human. One that was obviously raised with no morals or self-worth. Who always played the victim and yet was the villain. Be careful girls because he isn’t the only one out there. Him and his friend, another lowlife scum, were at it together. Covering each other back. IMAGINE being as worthless and pathetic as that!! Words actually can’t describe how disgusted I am that people like that exist. And hold up, if you guys are thinking he must be the Chris Brown of fuck boys well you are truly mistaken. Imagine Simon Pegg, he’s more in that category but nowhere near as funny or as nice. I’m sorry for the insult Simon Pegg, love you long time <3. My awful ex had no personality, no intelligence, no future prospects and he really wasn’t god’s gift to women to look at either so what the hell! Ramble sort of over. I’m sure I can come up with some more creative words to call him later but actually now it’s time for me. He’s wasted enough of my time!
How am I going to move forward? How am I going to be strong and not let this affect me? How am I going to overcome the need to hurt him badly? Yes I feel sorry for him because he’s obviously mentally unstable and in need of a thorough psych review where the outcome is that he gets sectioned but still I need to be able to forget about all this. Forget about the pain he has cause me and look forward to my ever so bright and wonderful future.
What I am actually going to do however is beside me. The first night I found out I got drunk but to be fair I was going out the theatre. Again, another thing he ruined for me. Thank god I have my best friend to remind me of all the positive things I have going for me etc and actually I did really enjoy the production. Full of dancing and life. Unlike my ex dickhead whose life I can only see in the dullest grey. THANK YOU BESTIE!
Yesterday (day 1) I cried. I cried to my mum, to my best friend, by myself. Oh and of course I went and got an STD check. As much as the piece of scum can take over my mind and feelings, I’m not having him affect my health or my body. Hopefully a negative result will help me feel less disgusted. And then I just slept. I can’t be awake without feeling like shit so sleep it is. I booked my train tickets to go home and see my family. Hopefully a positive weekend with them will help lift my spirits and remind me to focus on myself now! I’m undertaking a degree for fuck sake I need to be able to concentrate on my final year and this is the shit I really don’t need. I just hope he is wherever he is feeling complete shame and guilt although realistically I know he’s probably just proud of himself which stings even more.
And that brings us up to now. Where I have awoken and decided to write this. All I can think this morning is how vicious it is. To be honest I was over him a long time ago. I remember many points in the relationship looking over and thinking I just don’t love you. Should have trusted my gut but alas I’m the type of girl who gives people the benefit of the doubt and keeps going until I have exhausted all effort and hope. I do this with friends too, and to be honest that only speaks positively of my character and strength. It’s very easy for people to sit back at this point and blame themselves and think what could I have done differently? I sit here and think well fuck. I was taken for a fool and lied to. I’m not mad at myself I am proud of myself- I gave to the way less fortunate for the last two years. I did charity work if you like. No, I have no negative feelings towards myself other than feeling sorry for myself that I am going through it, but as my mum said welcome to adult life.
This situation has definitely taught me to be more selective and stronger. Never settle!! Never ever, even if they seem like nice guys cause those are truly the ones you have to be careful of. Always focus on you at the centre. Do what’s best for you and only compromise to the point that is of the smallest inconvenience to you. It’s funny because as I’m typing this I’m thinking if he even knows what half these words mean, the dimwit. He definitely doesn’t have half the class or half the anything. He is literally a speck of dust in the world in comparison to me. I’m just sad he ever even got me.
After a fairly negative entry I’d like to finish on a positive reminder of what great things there are in the world. As I walked out of my bedroom I found notes from my best friend all the way along the corridor wall, on the back of the toilet door and on the front door stating “you are beautiful” “you are worthwhile” “you are strong” “you are clever” “you are wonderful” and many, many more. So this final paragraph is to spread those positive vibes that the blog was intended for. YOU ARE AMAZING GIRL! Whether you’re reading this because you’re going through something similar to me, having self-doubts or just looking for a bit of woman empowerment. My advice to all you beautiful women is to stay strong and focus on yourselves. If you have a man, make sure it’s because you want him there and not that you need him. All you need is yourself. On top of this friends and family, only the positive helpful ones.
Til next time chicka’s.
Act classy think sassy.
X RH X